By Brenda L. Peterson, The Layoff Lady

​One of the hardest things about being laid off is telling other people about it--specifically fielding their uninvited questions. I'm not talking about work people or your professional network, either. I'm talking about the family friend you run into at the grocery store, that parent you went to a PTA meeting with once, and the neighbor you seldom see. Worse yet, it is interacting with a group of well-intentioned people who express their curiosity, worry, and opinions regarding your wellbeing. 

Here are a few suggested talking points for managing those conversations that pop up at just the wrong time.

After you've chatted with your inner circle, it’s time to think about addressing this topic with everyone else. This includes people who make random comments about your situation, those who don't really know how layoffs work, and the ones who genuinely want to help but may not have the best advice. These conversations may be rough, especially if you feel vulnerable. Your goal may be to get through the awkwardness and move on to other topics.  

To prepare, it is helpful to know how to respond. Here are a few suggestions for talking points to get you through. 

The question: I heard you’re unemployed. What happened there!
Your core message: My job ended. It is a thing that happened.

• I was part of a company-wide reduction in force at ABC Lending. My job ended on Tuesday.
• I was part of a layoff. About 500 of us were part of the reduction in force when the company restructured. That happened earlier this week.
• I was one of the 1000 people who had their position eliminated at XYZ company. It happened earlier this month.
• I got laid off. It happened a bit ago.
• My job ended recently, along with about a hundred others at the company.

The question: What are you going to do now? I would be freaking out! 
Or
​I’d be scared to death if I were you. Are you sure you’ll be okay?
Or 
​A person I sort of know lost their house/was unemployed for years/had to take a pay cut/never worked again.
​
Your core message: I’m going to keep on keeping on and also look for a new job.
​

• I’m making a plan for what to do next.
• ​I’ve had some time to think about it, and I know my next steps.
• I’ve made friends with the change, and I’m working towards my next role.
• I am worried, but I know I’ll be okay. I have a plan.
• It can be stressful, but I’m going to do the right things, and it will work out.

The question: So--do you have a job yet? 
Or
Are you STILL unemployed?
Or 
Did that thing you were interviewing for work out?
​
Your core message: I am job searching and something will work out. 

• I'm talking to a few companies, and I'm sure something will work out soon.
• No, but I'm hopeful.
• I’m working on my next steps.
• Finding a job can take a while. I’m making progress toward something new. 

The question/comment: Don’t worry. It’ll be fine. Hang in there! You’re so talented!

​Your response: Thanks. 

The comments:

• You should just get a job as a bus driver/multi-level marketing scheme salesperson/sign spinner!
• You should hold out for a better job than you’ve ever had where you get all the vacation/all the money/are the ruler of the free world!
• You should go back to school/start your own consulting company/have a baby/adopt many cats/quit working altogether.
• You should downsize your house/sell your car/auction your jewelry/maybe get a yurt/live in a box outside your mom’s house.

Your core message: I appreciate you. I will make the right decision for me.

• Thank you for your suggestions. I’m figuring out what is right for me.
• I definitely have options. I'm figuring out my next steps.
• Thank you for your insights. I have a plan for what to do.

By Brenda L. Peterson, The Layoff Lady

Life is challenging when nothing in particular is happening. When you're going through a job change (especially one you didn't plan), it's even harder. While I'm a fan of self-reliance, I also know the value of finding people who want to support you and letting them do it. You're not weak for needing people. You are smart for planning ahead for what you will need.

I have been through a post-layoff job transition 7 times, and it is difficult each and every time. There is the fear that it will just never end, and you'll be drifting for eternity trying to find paid work where you can pay your bills--much less in a job you want. You worry that you'll have to settle for something that may be even worse than the worst job you've ever had. You also worry that you'll run out of money and not be able to pay your bills and lose everything you own and everyone you've ever loved. While your rational mind knows this is all pretty unlikely, there will be moments when everything seems hopeless. That's where your support network comes in. 

No matter how resilient and downright badass you are, doing this alone makes it way harder. 

As an extra added bonus, people want to help you! I'm always inspired by people who come out of the woodwork to check on me, tell me about an open position, thank me for helping them once upon a time, or offer to refer me for a role. Everyone has struggled with something at one time or another, and someone has helped them. Let other people help you. 

It also takes a village to get you through a career transition. Relying on one person for everything is all kinds of stressful. Know that people want to help, and it's a matter of figuring out what you need, letting people know, and reaching out to people when needed. Going through a job search is challenging, even in the best of circumstances. It can be even more challenging if you're starting from a layoff (especially the part where someone else got to make a big, uninvited life decision for you). 

Here's a starter list of the types of help you may need during your job transition. More specifically, here is some of what I needed. Use this as a starting point and add details as it helps you:
​

• ​Emotional Support: You'll have all the feelings. Figure out who you can talk to about what. Sometimes you'll laugh, sometimes you'll cry, sometimes you'll vent, and on the most trying days, maybe all of the above. 
• Communication: Just telling people what is up can be draining--because people. Realize, too, that your telling them about your situation may result in them inadvertently trying to allay their fears that the same thing will happen to them. Find a friend who can help you spread whatever news there is to convey. Telephone. Telegraph. Tell a Karla. Find those people who love to connect with others (and even share some of the same social circles) and enlist their help.  
• Sounding Board: When you're making big decisions--or doing something you don't do very often, having someone to talk things through will is mission critical. Personally, I don't even always need my sounding board people to say much--just to sit there and listen (or at least just not talk over me) as I talk myself into or out of the idea I'm considering. There is so much value to writing or talking through ideas as you choose your next steps.
• Logistical Support: Sometimes, you'll need a hand figuring things out. Maybe it's having someone to watch your kids for a bit so you can have a phone interview. Perhaps it's help with a ride if you're having car trouble. Whatever it is, it may seem small to them, but it'll solve a problem for you. 
• Fun: There will be many, many times when you just need a distraction. Watching a movie. Having coffee. Talking about non-job search related things. Having a conversation where you don't have to be "on" and can just chat with someone. It doesn't have to be elaborate. It just has to be a welcome break from all those "shoulds" to be something other than a job-searching human.
• Cheerleader: You also need someone to give you a pep talk. Whether it's someone who'll send you a quick "You've got this!" text or someone to remind you to take a deep breath and tell them your remarkable story, remember that encouragement is essential. They can also help you celebrate successes and remind you of your innate value when you're struggling.
• Accountability: You'll also need someone to help you keep on track. It may be as easy as them asking if you applied for that job you talked about. Or asking you if you updated your resume like you said you would do.­­­ I have people I text saying I'll do a given thing just so I have written it down, and I have the peer pressure to help me follow through. 
• New Ideas: There is a certain amount of trial and error when looking for a new job. Whether it's optimizing LinkedIn, figuring out how to network with new people, finding the best way to position your work experience, or where to find jobs, there's a lot to learn. Whether you tap into someone who works in that industry, or a hiring manager, or a resume writer, figuring out how to be a more effective job searcher is useful. 
• Connectors: Each of us has people in our personal and professional networks who seem to know all the things and/or all the people. Let them help you connect with helpful people, job leads, or ideas when you need them. 

When it comes to help, I start with my inner circle--close friends and family. I'm also sure to widen my support team beyond them, too.

I also move beyond that immediate group. I interact with my LinkedIn connections. I tap into online groups including job search groups, The White Box Club, and even LinkedIn groups focusing on networking or a content area (like sales enablement).

I interact with in-person membership groups like ATD or the Omaha OD Network. Or I seek out non-work connections through social Meetup groups or activities. Sometimes, I just spend time in coffee shops to indirectly interact with other people. It's a matter of figuring out what you need and finding a person to help.

Know, too, that there will be times when you need to straight up reach out to someone because you need help. Each person will have their areas of interest and expertise, so be sure to keep that in mind when asking for help.

It's helpful to consider who you might contact for different needs. Here are a few cases where I reached out to different people to ask for help:
​

• Before a job interview, I will text my daughter, telling her I have a job interview. She will then text back words of encouragement.
• If I need non-job search social interaction, I'll reach out to my former "lunch ladies" coworkers with a link to my Calendly and ask if they're up for a catch-up conversation (then they can pick a time for us to chat.)
• If I'm having a rough day, I'll reach out to my best friend via text or phone to talk a bit. 
• If I'm unsure if my resume is clear, I'll contact a former coworker for his insights on what I might want to change. 
• If I want to talk shop but not directly job searching, I'll contact a LinkedIn connection I haven't chatted with in a while and see if they are up for a virtual coffee meeting. I get to have a fulfilling interaction with another person and glean a few professional insights, too. 

Whether you're gainfully employed but looking for the next right opportunity for you, or you're in career transition, job searching is hard. Here are three unfortunate job searching truths that can help you manage your mindset and emotions as you work through the ups and downs of this process. 

When you're a hiring manager, you have a ton going on, and only one of those things is hiring a new person. You're still trying to manage your team, meet deadlines, troubleshoot customer problems, and juggle all the people you're considering for your open position. In an interview, when one candidate asks about the hiring process, you tell them you should know who will move on to the next steps in the process "by the end of this week"--and at the time, you believe that is a reasonable deadline. Then there is a software release with a bug that causes three meetings to be scheduled with big clients, or someone ends up out on sick leave unexpectedly, or your child has to be picked up from daycare with the flu. Friday comes and goes, and getting in touch with a candidate falls off your radar until the next week. 

Meanwhile, as a job seeker, you put a note on your calendar that you'll know one way or another by Friday. Then you analyze every syllable you uttered in the interview, hoping you didn't say anything awful. You rethink a facial expression you interpreted as approving and wonder if it really was that at all. You suffer through Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, secretly worrying that you will never find another job. Ever. 

Instead of spiraling, take action to get you closer to your goals.
​
After the interview, email the hiring manager a thank you message and consider sending them a LinkedIn connection request. Put a note on your calendar for a few days after the hiring manager said they would contact you. Reach out to them at that time, including a few pleasantries, reiterating your interest in the role, and asking for an update.

Will you get the job? It's hard to tell. Either way, you did your part. Remind yourself that you won't get every job you apply for, and reflect to see what you can learn from it. At the very least, pat yourself on the back that you didn't over-follow up (which is often worse than not following up at all), and be sure to focus on more than one job opportunity at a time.

In addition, network with three more people and apply for three more jobs.

Inevitably as a job searcher, you run across it. THE job. It's the one you know is meant to be yours. It's perfect--easy commute, a great title, the go-to company, exactly what you are qualified (and want) to do. In your head, you think--this is MY job. You picture your new business cards, where you'll park, and how you'll introduce yourself as the "Director of Awesomeness" for this perfect company. If you're still working, you may be dreaming about the day you hand in your notice--or get excited knowing you won't have to finish a dreaded project because you'll be elsewhere. You think--why should I even bother applying for anything else because this one is SO my job!

Except, well, it's not actually your job yet. You're looking at it and seeing yourself in it, but it's not real. You don't work there. No one is sending you a paycheck for it. They don't even know your name yet. You may very well still work at your company in a few months when the project you're not excited about is due. While this MAY be the job you eventually get, it's not a done deal yet.

You know what else? It may not end up being your job. Apply for that job--even work hard to get it. Know, though, that you may end up not even getting called in for an interview. This doesn't mean you're not still an amazing professional with valuable qualifications. Remember, there are always many things going on when companies hire. There may be an internal candidate, a previous coworker of the hiring manager, someone who has a referral from a college friend, or someone who has even slightly more of a qualification that didn't make that job posting. 

When you're a hiring manager, you have a ton going on, and only one of those things is hiring a new person. You're still trying to manage your team, meet deadlines, troubleshoot customer problems, and juggle all the people you're considering for your open position. In an interview, when one candidate asks about the hiring process, you tell them you should know who will move on to the next steps in the process "by the end of this week"--and at the time, you believe that is a reasonable deadline. Then there is a software release with a bug that causes three meetings to be scheduled with big clients, someone unexpectedly ends up on sick leave, or your child has to be picked up from daycare with the flu. Friday comes and goes, and getting in touch with a candidate falls off your radar until the next week. 

Meanwhile, as a job seeker, you put a note on your calendar that you'll know one way or another by Friday. Then you analyze every syllable you uttered in the interview, hoping you didn't say anything awful. You rethink a facial expression you interpreted as approving and wonder if it really was that at all. You suffer through Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, secretly worrying that you will never find another job. Ever. 

Instead of spiraling, take action to get you closer to your goals.

After the interview, email the hiring manager a thank you message and consider sending them a LinkedIn connection request. Put a note on your calendar for a few days after the hiring manager said they would contact you. Reach out to them then, including a few pleasantries, reiterating your interest in the role, and asking for an update.

Will you get the job? It's hard to tell. Either way, you did your part. Remember that you won't get every job you apply for and reflect to see what you can learn from it. At the very least, pat yourself on the back that you didn't over-follow up (which is often worse than not following up at all), and focus on more than one job opportunity at a time.

Whenever you fall in love with a job or think of something as "your job,” make an extra effort to apply for additional jobs--or at least game out what happens if you do not get the job. If the job you see yourself in works out, great. If not, you're still working towards your ultimate goal of finding a new role (complete with a paycheck), whichever one that might be. 

In addition, network with three more people and apply for three more jobs

Applying for jobs is a process. Looking back at my records, I have typically applied for between 40 and 100 jobs when I've been in career transition. It's easy to get discouraged. If you're working and looking for something else, you might be more selective in your applications and feel especially attached to an opening you see. Remember, not every personal referral, application, or interview will lead to an offer.

Again--sometimes you apply and hear back a fat lot of nothing. Sometimes, you might get a quick rejection from a job only to see it reposted a week later. In those cases, it can be hard to see that they don't even have a good candidate, but they know it's not going to be me. That one smarts.

It's also hard when you interview for a role multiple times only to hear that you didn't get the job. Even though they genuinely liked you, you didn't get it. Maybe you were a close second, perhaps they went with an internal candidate, or they ended up not filling the position. There is so much rejection in the job search process that you’ll inevitably feel sad and like maybe there is no hope for you finding the right next job for you.

Instead of spiraling, take action to get you closer to your goals. 

At the end of the day, though, you only need one job. You only need one organization to tell you “Yes.” You only need one place where you and the employer agree to work together. Sometimes, it's helpful to remind yourself that all those no answers get you to the one yes you need. The trick is that you don't know which one will be that yes. You have to keep on keeping on until you find it.

In addition, network with three more people and apply for three more jobs.

Pre-pandemic, "networking" typically meant attending in-person events, shaking a few hands, and having a somewhat meaningful conversation with another human. While in-person opportunities are again plentiful, webinars continue to be popular since they are a flexible way to bring people together to learn. Be sure to think of your network during virtual events, too.

Like many people, I have attended (and delivered) approximately a bijillion online meetings, trainings, and interactive instructor-led sessions. I've been approaching these sessions with a mind towards not just attending, but also making new connections. Although the process differs from in-person interaction with people, I have managed to connect with more people (and often form more meaningful connections) than attending in-person meetings and “working the room.” As someone who runs introverted and communicates effectively in writing, this was an opportunity to turn webinars into a bonus network-building exercise.

When attending a webinar, I make sure that people are able to see who I am, my full name, and a picture, if at all possible. I use the same photo I use on LinkedIn so that people associate me with that picture. I also make sure that my first and last name are present so people have a chance of being able to find me after the session--or will recognize my name. 

In addition, during the webinar, I interact during the session. This usually involves commenting in the chat when prompted--which is also an opportunity for other attendees to see my full name. During any small group interactions, I'm sure to turn my camera on so people can see my face, hear my voice, and see my name. If the presenter asks people to share out loud, I usually turn on my camera, and share my thoughts. Again, this is another opportunity for people to hear my voice, see my face, and see my name. Each of these "impressions" helps people start to get to know me at least a little bit. 

During a webinar, I often take a screenshot of the participant list and a gallery of attendees if people are on camera. Whenever possible, download the chat from the session. This helps me identify who was active in the webinar and gives me additional information on anything they might have shared during the session. I often make notes on notecards during sessions to help me remember who might have said what and key content covered. All of these details can help me when interacting with attendees later on when I send LinkedIn connection requests.

Here are a few examples of messages that you can use to invite people to connect. Currently, LinkedIn allows you to include up to 300 characters when personalizing connection requests. 

Now that LinkedIn limits the number of personalized connection requests those with the basic membership receive each month, sending personalized connection requests might not be an option for you.

In those cases, here are a few other options for helping to show your value to a potential connection: 

• Send a non-personalized request right after the event ends. This way, people may associate you with the webinar you just attended.
• Take a moment to react to and/or comment on recent LinkedIn posts made by your potential connection. This way, they may recognize your name and be more likely to accept your post.
• Make sure your headline is descriptive and up to date. This way, when people receive a non-personalized connection request, they at least have a better sense of who you are from your headline and if you might be a valuable connection. 

How do you further nurture that relationship? Here are a few ideas.

• React to other people's posts.
• Comment on other people's posts with your insights.
• Share someone's post to your feed and @mention them to thank them for sharing the information.
• Send a quick message to a connection sharing helpful information they will appreciate. 
• Congratulate people on their career milestones and successes.
• Wish them a happy holiday/Friday/weekend on occasion.

After connecting with people initially, be sure to continue to nurture those connections. Posting useful content, and occasionally messaging people is one way to do that. Ideally, you can add value to the relationship before you are in a position where you need to ask those individuals for help.