By Brenda L. Peterson, The Layoff Lady

​One of the hardest things about being laid off is telling other people about it--specifically fielding their uninvited questions. I'm not talking about work people or your professional network, either. I'm talking about the family friend you run into at the grocery store, that parent you went to a PTA meeting with once, seldom-seen relatives at a holiday gathering, and the neighbor you seldom see. Worse yet, it is interacting with a group of well-intentioned people who express their curiosity, worry, and opinions regarding your wellbeing. 

Here are a few suggested talking points for managing those conversations that pop up at just the wrong time.

After you've chatted with your inner circle, it’s time to think about addressing this topic with everyone else. This includes people who make random comments about your situation, those who don't really know how layoffs work, and the ones who genuinely want to help but may not have the best advice. These conversations may be rough, especially if you feel vulnerable. Your goal may be to get through the awkwardness and move on to other topics.  

To prepare, it is helpful to know how to respond. Here are a few suggestions for talking points to get you through. 

The question: I heard you’re unemployed. What happened there!
Your core message: My job ended. It is a thing that happened.

• I was part of a company-wide reduction in force at ABC Lending. My job ended on Tuesday.
• I was part of a layoff. About 500 of us were part of the reduction in force when the company restructured. That happened earlier this week.
• I was one of the 1000 people who had their position eliminated at XYZ company. It happened earlier this month.
• I got laid off. It happened a bit ago.
• My job ended recently, along with about a hundred others at the company.

The question: What are you going to do now? I would be freaking out! 
Or
​I’d be scared to death if I were you. Are you sure you’ll be okay?
Or 
​A person I sort of know lost their house/was unemployed for years/had to take a pay cut/never worked again.
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Your core message: I’m going to keep on keeping on and also look for a new job.
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• I’m making a plan for what to do next.
• ​I’ve had some time to think about it, and I know my next steps.
• I’ve made friends with the change, and I’m working towards my next role.
• I am worried, but I know I’ll be okay. I have a plan.
• It can be stressful, but I’m going to do the right things, and it will work out.

The question: So--do you have a job yet? 
Or
Are you STILL unemployed?
Or 
Did that thing you were interviewing for work out?
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Your core message: I am job searching and something will work out. 

• I'm talking to a few companies, and I'm sure something will work out soon.
• No, but I'm hopeful.
• I’m working on my next steps.
• Finding a job can take a while. I’m making progress toward something new. 

The question/comment: Don’t worry. It’ll be fine. Hang in there! You’re so talented!

​Your response: Thanks. 

The comments:

• You should just get a job as a bus driver/multi-level marketing scheme salesperson/sign spinner!
• You should hold out for a better job than you’ve ever had where you get all the vacation/all the money/are the ruler of the free world!
• You should go back to school/start your own consulting company/have a baby/adopt many cats/quit working altogether.
• You should downsize your house/sell your car/auction your jewelry/maybe get a yurt/live in a box outside your mom’s house.

Your core message: I appreciate you. I will make the right decision for me.

• Thank you for your suggestions. I’m figuring out what is right for me.
• I definitely have options. I'm figuring out my next steps.
• Thank you for your insights. I have a plan for what to do.

By Brenda L. Peterson, The Layoff Lady

When I think about building my professional network, adding new LinkedIn connections is one of my markers of success. I use LinkedIn as a tool to create, build, track, and maintain my professional relationships. 

When I first started using LinkedIn, I connected with people I had met in person. At that time, my network mainly included the following people: 
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• Family and friends
• Current and former coworkers
• Current and former business associates (vendor contacts, customers, contractors)
• Colleagues from professional development groups
• People I met in person or via phone/webinar in a business setting
• People I met through introductions from my current professional connections

When the pandemic hit, I realized I needed to shift my approach, or I would not meet anyone new--and I've continued to add to my professional network. I also realized that since more companies were open to hiring remote people, I needed to broaden my network beyond the people I would encounter in person. In addition to the people I used to connect with, I now also started proactively sending connection requests to the following types of people:
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• Other members of my LinkedIn groups
• People in my geographical area
• People in the fields of talent development, change management, instructional design, and organizational design
• People who work for companies that interest me
• Recruiters
• People with common interests or experiences
• People with mutual connections
• People who presented at sessions I attended
• People who attended online sessions that I also attended

Again, the more people I meet, and the more people I connect with who know about my professional value, the better I will be able to find a new role that meets my requirements more quickly.

I often connect with people when there are specific reasons to connect that are noteworthy, including the following:
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• People recently laid off:  I empathize with their job loss, mention job search-related resources, and invite them to connect.
• People recently hired: I congratulate them on their new role, mention our commonality, and invite them to connect.
• People who just completed a degree, certification, or other educational program: I congratulate them on their accomplishments, mention any commonality we have, and invite them to connect. 

Since LinkedIn now limits the basic account to only 5 personalized connection requests per month, I adopt multiple strategies to build rapport with people. In some cases, I still send a personalized connection request. This can be especially helpful when I send a connection request to someone I have not met before. 

I include the following components when personalizing a connection request:
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• Greeting: Hi, [person’s first name spelled correctly].
• Personal Note: Include details on how you met, compliment them on a previous post, share a helpful tip, comment on their situation, or point out something we have in common.
• Invitation to Connect: I’d like to add you to my professional network. and/or Let’s connect!
• Signature: [Your Name] 

Personalizing a connection request isn't the only way to help you gain that new connection. Here are a few tips you can use without a paid LinkedIn subscription: 
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• Make sure your profile headline is descriptive. When people see your connection request, and look at your headline, seeing "Looking for my next opportunity" tells them far less about you. Instead, starting with your area of focus, industry, desired job title, or other specifics will give them more reason to connect with you.
• Interact with one of their recent posts. This helps boost how many people see their post and they will see your name, profile picture, and start of your headline. This name recognition make them more likley to accept your connection request. 

By Brenda L. Peterson, The Layoff Lady

When life is run-of-the-mill, it’s still hard to accomplish essential tasks on your to-do list. Losing your job upends your life and gives you a whole new set of challenges. These include uncertainty about the future, new complexities in your financial life, and general worry about how long it might take for things to get back to “normal.” You are now entering a challenging phase in your life where you will experience more rejection in a shorter period of time than ever before. All these factors will inhibit your ability to progress on your goals. 

Some days will be amazing. Within a half hour of waking up, you get a phone screen invite, notice a hiring manager accepted your LinkedIn connection request, and read a message from a recruiter for a role that looks promising. Hearing good news fills you with hope and boosts your energy. Soon, you’re updating your budget, making that overdue phone call, and cleaning your whole kitchen. You use that extra burst of energy to start preparing for tomorrow’s phone screen. On that very good day, you may even check a few extra things off your to-do list.
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Then there will be other days. Before you’ve had your first cup of coffee, you’ll check your email and find a “we’re moving forward with other candidates” message after a “the position has been filled” followed by a “this position has been put on hold indefinitely” message. After a triple dose of rejection, the rest of the day’s planned activities may fall by the wayside. 

You have probably been relying on the overly simplistic getting-things-done strategies people often bluster about. If your only plan for success involves hammering away, powering through, or pulling yourself up by your bootstraps, you will have problems. It’s an excellent time to remind yourself that bucking/soldiering/cowboying up is not a long-term sustainable strategy. It is a short-term fix you can use occasionally when you have no other options. Making that once-in-a-while solution your go-to move will leave you irritable, burned out, and feeling like the failure you most certainly are not.
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To find the right new job for you, even the best to-do list won’t ensure success all by itself. You won’t be able to push yourself beyond your limits consistently for very long. Given that many job searches last between a few weeks and several months, you will need to find a way to sustain the effort you’ll need to achieve your job search goals. 

When I’m in career transition, I spend a lot of time writing, applying for jobs, and interacting on LinkedIn. I also tend to rewatch tv shows and movies. Conventional time management would say that I’m wasting a good chunk of my life watching fictional people live theirs and that I should spend that wasted time on the higher-value items on my to-do lists.

​In reality, it is not feasible to be hyper-productivey all the time. Achieving at a high level requires preparation and adequate recovery time. That means if I have two video interviews in one day, I will appear to be doing a lot of nothing for those hours right afterward. The only way I can knock those interviews out of the park is by managing my energy well. 

Remember, it’s not just about tallying up those hours and having a brag-worthy number. Instead, work with your energy levels, balance planning and doing, and align your activities with your peak productivity times. 
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Prioritizing self care, so you have enough energy to perservere, is a great first step.