Talking To All The People About Your Layoff

By Brenda L. Peterson, The Layoff Lady

Managing Curious and Well-Intentioned People

​One of the hardest things about being laid off is telling other people about it--specifically fielding their uninvited questions. I'm not talking about work people or your professional network, either. I'm talking about the family friend you run into at the grocery store, that parent you went to a PTA meeting with once and the neighbor you seldom see. Worse yet, it is interacting with a group of well-intentioned people who express their curiosity, worry, and opinions regarding your well-being. 

Here are a few suggested talking points for managing those conversations that pop up at just the wrong time.

Getting Your Patter Down

After you've chatted with your inner circle--those people with whom you share your raw and uncut thoughts, feelings, and worries--it’s time to think about how you talk about this with all the rest of the people. It is those people who make random comments, who don't really know how layoffs go, and who might be trying to be helpful or supportive or to give you advice on a situation that is foreign to them. These conversations may be rough for you, especially if you're feeling vulnerable. Your goal may be to get through the awkwardness and move on to other topics.  

To prepare, it is helpful to have an idea of how to respond. Here are a few suggestions for talking points to get you through.

Talking About Your Current State and Near Term Plans

• You were not fired, discarded, cut loose, or shitcanned. These words imply that you did something terrible enough to get fired or that you’re mad because something awful was done to you. 
• You were laid off, your job ended, your position was eliminated, or you were part of a company-wide reduction in force. It is just a thing that happened, and now you don’t work at the place where you worked before.

• You are not unemployed, between jobs, an ex-employee of Big Important Tech Company, or a big giant loser.
• You are in transition, in career transition, searching for your next great role, or looking for the job that is the right next step for you.​ 

Talking About The Job You No Longer Have

The question: I heard you’re unemployed. What happened there!
Your core message: My job ended. It is a thing that happened.

• I was part of a company-wide reduction in force at ABC Lending. My job ended on Tuesday.
• I was part of a layoff. About 500 of us were part of the reduction in force when the company restructured. That happened earlier this week.
• I was one of the 1000 people who had their position eliminated at XYZ company. It happened earlier this month.
• I got laid off. It happened a bit ago.
• My job ended recently, along with about a hundred others at the company.

Talking About What Is Next For You

The question: What are you going to do now? I would be freaking out. 
Or
​I’d be scared to death if I were you. Are you sure you’ll be okay?
Or 
​A person I sort of know lost their house/was unemployed for years/had to take a pay cut/never worked again.
​
Your core message: I’m going to keep on living and also look for a new job.
​

• I’m making a plan for what to do next.
• ​I’ve had some time to think about it, and I know my next steps.
• I’ve made friends with the change, and I’m working towards my next role.
• I am worried, but I know I’ll be okay. I have a plan.
• It can be stressful, but I’m going to do the right things, and it will work out.

Talking About STILL Not Having a Job

The question: So--do you have a job yet? 
Or
Are you STILL unemployed?
Or 
Did that thing you were interviewing for work out?
​
Your core message: I am job searching and something will work out. 

• I'm talking to a few companies, and I'm sure something will work out soon.
• No, but I'm hopeful.
• I’m working on my next steps.
• Finding a job can take a while. I’m making progress toward something new. 

Acknowledging People's Reassurances

The question/comment: Don’t worry. It’ll be fine. Hang in there! You’re so talented!

​Your response: Thanks. 

Addressing People's Well Intentioned (and Sometimes Awful) Advice

The comments:

• You should just get a job as a bus driver/multi-level marketing scheme salesperson/sign spinner!
• You should hold out for a better job than you’ve ever had where you get all the vacation/all the money/are the ruler of the free world!
• You should go back to school/start your own consulting company/have a baby/adopt many cats/quit working altogether.
• You should downsize your house/sell your car/auction your jewelry/maybe get a yurt/live in a box outside your mom’s house.

Your core message: I appreciate you. I will make the right decision for me.

• Thank you for your suggestions. I’m figuring out what is right for me.
• I definitely have options. I'm figuring out my next steps.
• Thank you for your insights. I have a plan for what to do.

Learn More

• How to Tell Your Friends and Family That You've Been Laid Off
• Explaining A Layoff in an Interview
  
• The Layoff Lady: I Just Got Laid Off--Now What?