by Brenda L. Peterson, The Layoff Lady

Life is challenging when nothing in particular is happening. When you're going through a job change (especially one you didn't plan), it's even harder. While I'm a fan of self-reliance, I also know the value of finding people who want to support you and letting them do it. You're not weak for needing people. You are smart for planning ahead for what you will need.

I have been through a post-layoff job transition 7 times, and it is difficult each and every time. There is the fear that it will just never end and you'll be drifting for eternity trying to find paid work where you can pay your bills--much less in a job you want. You worry that you'll have to settle for something that may be even worse than the worst job you've ever had. You also worry that you'll run out of money and not be able to pay your bills and lose everything you own and everyone you've ever loved. While your rational mind knows this is all pretty unlikely, there will be moments when it all seems hopeless. That's where your support network comes in. 

No matter how resilient and downright badass you are, doing this alone makes it way harder. 

As an extra added bonus, people want to help you!

I'm always inspired by people who come out of the woodwork to check on me, tell me about an open position, thank me for helping them once upon a time, or offer to refer me for a role. Everyone has struggled with something at one time or another, and someone has helped them. Let other people help you. 

It also takes a village to get you through a career transition. Relying on one person for everything is all kinds of stressful. Know that people want to help, and it's a matter of figuring out what you need, letting people know, and reaching out to people when you need it. Going through a job search is challenging even in the best of circumstances. If you're starting from a layoff (especially the part where someone else got to make a big, uninvited life decision for you) it can be even more challenging. 

Here's a starter list of the types of help you may need during your job transition. More specifically, here is some of what I needed. Use this as a starting point and add details as it helps you:

• ​Emotional Support: You'll have all the feelings. Figure out who you can talk to about what. Sometimes you'll laugh, sometimes you'll cry, sometimes you'll vent, and on the most trying days, maybe all of the above. 
• Communication: Just telling people what is up can be draining--because people. Realize, too, that you telling them about your situation may result in them inadvertently trying to allay their fears that the same thing will happen to them. Find a friend who can help you spread whatever news there is to convey. Telephone. Telegraph. Tell a Karla. Find those people who love to connect with others (and even share some of the same social circles) and enlist their help.  
• Sounding Board: When you're making big decisions--or doing something you don't do very often, having someone to talk things through will is mission critical. Personally, I don't even always need my sounding board people to say much--just to sit there and listen (or at least just not talk over me) as I talk myself into or out of the idea I'm considering. There is so much value to writing or talking through ideas as you choose your next steps.
• Logistical Support: Sometimes, you'll need a hand figuring things out. Maybe it's having someone to watch your kids for a bit so you can have a phone interview. Maybe it's help with a ride if you're having car trouble. Whatever it is, it may seem small to them, but it'll solve a problem for you. 
• Fun: There will be many, many times when you just need a distraction. Watching a movie. Having coffee. Talking about non-job search related things. Having a conversation where you don't have to be "on" and can just chat with someone. It doesn't have to be elaborate. It just has to be a welcome break from all those "shoulds" to be something other than a job-searching human.
• Cheerleader: You also need someone to give you a pep talk. Whether it's someone who'll send you a quick "You've got this!" text or someone to remind you to take a deep breath and tell them your remarkable story, remember that encouragement is essential. They can also help you celebrate successes and remind you of your innate value when you're struggling.
• Accountability: You'll also need someone to help you keep on track. It may be as easy as them asking if you applied for that job you talked about. Or asking you if you updated your resume like you said you would do. I have people I text saying I'll do a given thing just so I have written it down, and I have the peer pressure to help me follow through. 
• New Ideas: There is a certain amount of trial and error when looking for a new job. Whether it's optimizing LinkedIn, figuring out how to network with new people, finding the best way to position your work experience, or where to find jobs, there's a lot to learn. Whether you tap into someone who works in that industry, or a hiring manager, or a resume writer, figuring out how to be a more effective job searcher is useful. 
• Connectors: Each of us has people in our personal and professional networks who seem to know all the things and/or all the people. Let them help you connect with helpful people, job leads, or ideas when you need them. 

When it comes to help, I start with my inner circle--close friends and family. I'm also sure to widen my support team beyond them, too.

I also move beyond that immediate group. I interact with my LinkedIn connections. I tap into online groups including job search groups, The White Box Club, and even LinkedIn groups focusing on networking or a content area (like sales enablement).

I interact with in-person membership groups like ATD or the Omaha OD Network. Or I seek out non-work connections through social Meetup groups or activities. Sometimes, I just spend time in coffee shops to indirectly interact with other people. It's a matter of figuring out what you need and finding a person to help.

Know, too, that there will be times when you need to straight up reach out to someone because you need help. Each person will have their areas of interest and expertise, so be sure to keep that in mind when asking for help.

It's helpful to consider who you might contact for different needs. Here are a few cases where I reach out to different people to ask for help:
​

• Before a job interview, I will text my daughter, telling her I have a job interview. She will then text back words of encouragement.
• If I need non-job search social interaction, I'll reach out to my former "lunch ladies" coworkers with a link to my Calendly and ask if they're up for a catch-up conversation (then they can pick a time that works for them for us to chat.)
• If I'm having a rough day, I'll reach out to my best friend via text or phone to talk a bit. 
• If I'm unsure if my resume is clear, I'll contact a former coworker for his insights on what I might want to change. 
• If I want to talk shop but not directly job searching, I'll contact a LinkedIn connection I haven't chatted with in a while and see if they are up for a virtual coffee meeting. I get to have a fulfilling interaction with another person and glean a few professional insights, too. 

You get up and get ready for work. It starts like any other day. Then, something happens that is a portent of doom:
​

• An unexpected meeting (with an ominously ambiguous title) pops up on your calendar last minute. 
• You try to log into your work computer and are locked out. 
• You attend a hastily scheduled webinar where you find out that you and everyone else in the meeting is no longer employed with the company.
• You are called to an in-person meeting in a different room from your immediate coworker--and find that you are in the "bad room" of people who have lost their jobs. 
• You check your email on your phone to discover that today is the last day of your role. 

Whether you have a one-on-one (plus an HR representative) meeting with your soon-to-be-former boss or receive an awkwardly worded email that part of you thinks must be spam or a joke, you are now among the newly unemployed. 

Some days, you go to work with lots of plans and come home with a white box filled with all of your workly possessions. 

​Welcome to the suck.

It's hard to know what to do when you suddenly find yourself out of work. Even if there were rumblings about a possible reduction in force (RIF) at your company, it's still surreal when you realize your job is now over.

Whether you loved your job, hated it, or felt somewhere in between, it's time to deal with your current emotions, assess your current state, and (above all) not do anything particularly counterproductive as you figure out what to do with yourself. 

Based on the crazy number of layoffs I've navigated, here are my suggestions for your next steps. 

Curse you, feelings!

Losing your job, even through no fault of your own, is an emotional roller coaster. Given how much of your life you spend at work, suddenly not having the same job is a huge change. In fact, it’s the same level of change as things like getting divorced, having a close friend die, or going to prison. You may feel fine one moment, angry the next, then ecstatic, then in tears. Realize this is completely normal.

​Just like dealing with a death in the family, you’re dealing with the death of the future you thought you had. Losing that imagined future, regardless of your job’s role in your life, is a significant loss that needs to be addressed. Figure out how you will cope with these changes. You might choose positive ways (exercise, reconnecting with friends, journaling) or negative (overeating, overthinking, or a good old-fashioned bender). Find your emotional support people and confide in them. Talk to your partner, family, and friends. Find a support group (in-person, online, or both) to help you work through it.

As much as you may want to jump over the part where you have to admit you have feelings that influence how you live your day-to-day life, you need to address them—whether it happens now or later. During one of my layoffs, I was going through many new and exciting (read "stressful”) life changes all at once. Then, I compartmentalized and focused on the business of moving and finding a new job. Once I was in my new job, I pretty much worked during the day and went through the process of dealing with all of the life changes at night. Do what works for you.

As you process your feelings, be cautious about sharing right away (and/or in great detail) on social media. Give yourself 24-72 hours to feel your feelings and talk to the individuals in your support system offline. After you have had a little time to process, then decide what to post publicly. Be sure to get your head straight before sharing anything with the masses.

Disclaimer: (You know there has to be one of these now that we're talking about topics like personal finances and health insurance.)

While I know quite a bit based on my previous work experience supporting financial coaches, my own research, and my personal life experiences, I do not currently hold a license or certification to give financial advice. Therefore, the information provided here is educational information provided as guidance.

I hope you can glean value from my lessons learned. Feel free to take my recommendations or not—but whatever you do, double-check my facts (and everyone's facts, for that matter). This is your life, and you will care more about your finances and health care than anyone else. With that, read on. 

​Most of us work because we have expensive habits to support—like living indoors and eating on a regular basis. When a job ends, there are financial concerns that need to be addressed pretty quickly. The money coming into your household will change A LOT, and it's time to get your arms around those changes. 

While you won’t have the income from your job, you will receive your final paycheck, possibly vacation time that you have earned and, hopefully, a lovely parting gift from your former employer in the form of a severance package. 

If you do receive severance, the amount can vary wildly. In fact, it could be between a fat lot of nothing, to the equivalent of a paycheck or two, to 1-2 weeks of pay for each year you were with the organization, to a big old check from a tech firm doing widespread changes and wanting to be spoken well of in the media. As an extra added bonus, if you do receive severance, realize that it may be less money than you think because of taxes withheld or other various and sundry deductions. 

If you get a severance package, realize you will need to sign something before receiving that money. Once you sign, any thoughts you might have about legal action regarding your employment with the organization are pretty much over. Read the agreement given to you, consider having a lawyer look it over, and ask for clarifications (and any revisions) before signing it. After that, there is typically a waiting period before you receive that money. This is big-time adulting here, so enlist help as needed.

While your regularly scheduled income from your previous employer may end, in most cases with a layoff, you will be eligible for unemployment income. In short, apply for unemployment payments. The money used to make unemployment payments comes from the payroll taxes that employers pay. This money is intended to help people who have been laid off from their jobs to help fund the time it may take them to find a new, comparable job. 

Unemployment payments are administered by each state and vary from state to state. (I'll include a link at the end of this article.) After you apply for unemployment payments, there may be a waiting period before you receive a payment (in Minnesota, there is one "nonpayable week" before payments begin.) Your state will also outline the amount of each payment you will receive, the number of payments you are eligible to receive, and additional factors impacting your payments. You may also be eligible for job search support services and even programs to help you upgrade your skills. To learn more, visit this link and click on your state for additional details about unemployment and related benefits and services. 

In short, apply for unemployment income right away. In most cases, there is not a reason to forgo unemployment payments. 

​In the United States, where health insurance for people of working age is often employer paid, thinking through health insurance implications of a job change is critically important.

Since many people rely on their employer for health insurance coverage, figuring out this aspect can be tricky. If you are fortunate enough to have a  spouse/domestic partner/parent who can bring you onto their health insurance, check that out right away. In general, if you were covered by an employer's plan, and lose that coverage, you will be eligible to switch to another employer sponsored plan. Be sure to at least ask that question of that other potential employer-sponsored health care coverage.

If that's not an option, you have a few more decisions to make. If you do receive a severance package, health insurance coverage for some period of time may be included. Find out if your previously employer sponsored health insurance coverage is paid for by the employer, or if you will receive money to cover the cost of coverage. (These are two very different things.) You may also be eligible for COBRA coverage, which means that you would continue your previously employer paid health insurance, but pay for it yourself. Be sure to brace yourself when you see the amount that you will now be charged for that coverage--because it is usually A LOT more than you paid as an employee.

If you are not willing and/or able to continue with your previous employer's health plan, you may be able to go on the insurance exchanges to find coverage--which may even be subsidized given your new lower income level. Alternatively, for shorter term coverage against something super big and awful happening, you can check out short-term health care options. The coverage is not as comprehensive as what is on the exchange, but it's also way less expensive. Depending on your situation, you may also opt for the “be careful” health plan (no health coverage, but no sky diving either). Figure out what makes the most sense to you, and how to mitigate any risks you take.​

First off, this is A LOT of information to manage, and you don't have to do all of this alone. Be nice to yourself and know that you can totally do this.

Through my many, many layoffs, one thing has remained true. I have always ended up in a better place, both personally and professionally, than I would have expected. I learned new skills, met new people and made life changes that I probably needed to make, but I only did when life gave me the shove I needed

Remember, this whole process is a lot, but you can totally do this. I, for one, am here with information and resources to help you navigate some of the yuck as you create your new reality. You've got this.